VoxSentia

Yoga and the Eucalyptus steam room

I just got back from the Equinox gym. I had an hour and a half session of Yoga and then some time in the Eucalyptus steam room. Aaaah, I feel so refreshed. Life is good...

I'm pretty joyful, thank you

I think I'm a pretty joyful person; especially in the past few months. And I'm not happy/joyful because all these great things are happening in my life (although I think God helped me out a lot the past year; I've felt the best I felt in years). Basically, I came a to a realization that I'm joyful. As some of you know, I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years(probably on and off for the past 7 years). Coincidentally, that's about how long I've wandered in the desert without God. It took me 7 years to return to God fully. During those years, things were really hard for me. I've had many nights crying and also wondering why my life was so difficult. I asked God so many times to take my afflictions away. I'm surprised sometimes that I'm still alive (I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true. When your'e depressed; you're depressed). Ironically enough, even in such hard times, I turned away from God. It wasn't until I hit rock-bottom in the most painful way that I returned to God. I can't share with you what happend, but God rescued me despite my relentless rebellion. I liken the experience with that of Jacob's when God broke his hip bone. When I returned to God the past year, I was in pretty bad shape. God didn't necessarily take away my afflictions when I returned; although my depression and anxiety improved. I even had  a guy I met at church leave because that person couldn't handle that I was on anti-depressants. Perhaps if I didn't struggle with this issue, I wouldn't hold on to God as much as I do. I am now at a pretty joyful/happy state not because God's promises of healing, but rather because of the promise that he will always walk with me no matter what. To me, that promise means everything. I may not have everything I want in life the way I envisoned it, but as long as God is with me, I'm OK. I'm even resolved that no matter what happens in life (and it will get bad sometimes because that's part of life), God is  there with me so I don't worry about the future. Seriously, this truth did more for my depression and anxiety than meds, counselling, positive thinking, what have you.

I really could not ask God for more than "please walk closely with me." What other promise is greater than that? That statement implies that God's all-powerful self is always working on behalf of  my weaknesses, faults, flaws, ailments, etc. I don't have to strive to be perfect, well, etc. I just have to just let God. With this knowledge, I am pretty joyful. I feel at peace.

But really, God did a lot for me this past year. I experienced a lot of grace and continue to feel so. Most people don't even know or can't tell I was ever depressed or anxious. The best part of returning to God is that I am his child and he walks closely with me.

Somebody told me about this one verse in Habbakuk where he says something like "even if there are no vines in the vineyard, I will still praise the Lord." I feel kind of like this when I think about my joy in the Lord.

Attributes of God

This past saturday I went hiking. I've actually been exercising almost daily for a couple of months now; doing yoga and getting on an elliptical machine for half an hour. I exercise to ward off depression and anxiety which I've struggled with on and off for many years. It was a beautiful day to hike. I wanted to go hiking after reading this one book called "Prayer Walk" (yes, it's about a woman who takes daily walks to pray). Usually in my prayers, after including thanksgiving, I ask God to take care of things/needs (to help me with this issue, that issue, prayer for this person, that person).  But that day I wanted to focus on attributes of God. So often, I forget to meditate on who God is and I often focus on problems. It was nice to think about all that God is and has been in my life (especially the past 6 months--I feel that I received a lot of healing and protection/provision from God during this time).

So my prayer went something like this (really simple):

God is almighty...God is my counselor...God is a provider...God is compassionate...God is etc...I then thought about how God was all these things during the past year especially when things were bad/hard. It's sometimes healthy to focus on God and not your problems--I think this guards against negative thinking patterns and depression.

Afternoon tea at the Gardens at Four Seasons Hotel, Beverly Hills

Afternoon tea at the Gardens at Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills is fabulous! It's hands down the best tea place I've been to. The food was absolutely amazing! It's $35 for afternoon tea but it's worth the price. The decor is your standard 5 star hotel decor, but it's still has a nice ambience. Here's a picture of the delicious lobster finger food and my beautiful friend Rasika (she's European hence loves these tea places). By the way, she got her paycheck from Playboy and she's super happy to have her own money.

Some realization today

Being a Christian, I sometimes "expect" God to give me good things in life: life, love, health, wealth, etc. But I just realized that I don't exist or I'm not worshipping God because God is going to make my life good; but rather just for the sake of worship. It's good enough in life to just worship God. Anything else is just extra.

small group

I went to a different small group last night and it was great (i'm trying out a few). It's an intergnerational group. The oldest probably in his late 60s early 70s, and youngest being 26. I thought they were a Godly group of people. We studied the conversion of apostle Paul and read the scriptures. We also went around and said our prayer requests and prayed for one another. I really enjoyed the experience.

what God allows

It's interesting for me to see what God allows me to experience. At the end of the day, I'm left pondering if I'm supposed to have learned some valuable life lesson. Sometimes, I just don't get his will. I just cannot connect any dots. But I guess that's where trust in God comes in. Despite things not seeming to make sense, always trust God because he orchestrates all events in my life.

By the way, the new guy and I are not dating anymore.

Driving home in the fog

A couple of nights ago, I stayed very late at the office because of a certain deadline at work. I was driving home and the fog was very thick. I was pretty scared driving home because I could only see a few feet in front of me. That's kind of how life seems to be for me. I suffer from anxiety and the fog is all the unknown. But there is one good thing--you can trust God. If you just trust God, you only need to see a few feet ahead and just drive. You will always get to your destination safe despite being scared of the unknown.

Macbook Air - pretty cool

Everyone here at the office is goo-goo-gah-gah over the new Macbook Air. I admit, it's pretty sweet.

The best thing about it is the keyboard that lights up in the dark and also that the notebook screen lights up the minute you open it. It's also got pretty cool touchpad technology like gesturing, swiping (it's a feature that allows you to increase font sizes, image sizes, flip and rotate images with your two fingers, and flip through webpages using your three fingers on the touchpad).

See the product demo here.

I'm sick...

Boohoo! I had to cancel all my plans this weekend...