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Keanu Reeves is so hot. "Street Kings" trailer looks great. I didn't see "Training Day", but I hope it's not too much like it.
OK, here are some pictures of him on the movie set, just because I feel like it.
And here's the beautiful specimen with a fan. I can't believe he's 43.
So apparently, the Neo part in Matrix was originally offered to Will Smith but he turned it down. Can you imagine how different this movie would have been if Will Smith was in it? He would have brought his comedic side to the movie and it would have changed everything. What about Brad Pitt? I can only say that his role in "Fight Club" would be the closest thing I can imagine in him playing Neo. Most of his fight sequence would have been just "macho" but not satisfyingly sci-fi/kung-fu as Keanu Reeves made it. I think Brad Pitt lacks the philosophising, life-questioning, self-doubting, truth-seeking, quiet strength that Reeves brings in. What about Johnny Depp? He's a good actor but I think he is too weird to play the part of Neo. I just keep thinking about Willy Wonka and it just kills it for me. I'm glad the part eventually went to Reeves. Keanu Reeves brings the loner hero who is looking for deeper meaning in life and discovers truth about his existence. His own loner-ish sad and unassuming demeanor complements Neo's character really well. Honestly, I don't think anyone else would have been able to pull this off as well as Reeves did. In the words of Mr. Will Smith, "he [Keanu] was born to play Neo."
Why am I still single? People often ask me this. To this I say, "I don't know, ask God."
Actually I know why I'm still single and a lot of it is my fault. But I feel kind of okay about it. One guy from H.S wrote me after he found me via Myspace and said that he was surprised that I wasn't married yet and that he thought guys would be lining up around the block to take me out. Well, that's very flattering, but no, that's not the case.
I guess the closest I came to marrying was about a year ago to my ex boyfriend Kevin. Well, I did have this one guy I only dated for a short time ask me to marry him but I said no. We kept in touch over the years and he asked again(informerly), and I said no. That's when I decided it was unhealthy to remain friends with him, so I don't talk to him anymore. And of course I have this one guy friend, who is a good friend of mine, occasionally ask that we marry. I don't know how serious he is, but I always say no. I just don't feel it with some people. I don't care how many years you've been friends, but with some people, there is just no chemistry. Anyway, back to Kevin. It's not that he asked me to marry or anything. We were in a relationship but we weren't engaged. But we both knew where the relationship was headed. To date, I think we had the most amount of things align, including values, interests--all the important things as well as unimportant. But the relationship failed. You see, I was not in an healthy state. I never really made healthy relationship choices in the past so no surprise there when those relationships failed. But Kevin was actually a healthy guy, a healthy relationship. I remember thinking to myself, "If I can't make this relationship work, then I'm not sure if I can any other." You see, he was really a nice guy. I started to seriously doubt my ability to be in a normal stable relationship after it ended. It made me panic and worry a bit for months afterwards.
I was pretty messed up when I met Kevin. I cannot go into detail what events transpired before I met Kevin, but I was pretty messed up. Needless to say I was struggling with serious depression when I met him. Also, I was on all kinds of drugs. I was cycling through different medications at the time. You see, depression is difficult for people around you that care for you. But he did his best to be very supportive. But no matter what, the timing wasn't right when we dated. I just really couldn't be healthy in a relationship. I probably should have not dated him at the time. I should have just dealt with my own personal issues, alone. I won't go into details of the problems we had in the relationship, but a relationship is really as healthy as the less healthy member.
One thing I did learn though, I used to wait for life to happen. I used to think, only if I was with the right guy, married to the right person, my life would be better. I remember I was thinking to myself that I was pretty happy with Kevin. He was truly very good to me and he made me laugh and smile a lot. And that's quite an accomplishment, when the partner is depressed. I seriously think that was the happiest I've been in a relationship. I used to frequently tell him that he made me happy. But in the midst of all that, all of a sudden out of no where, say like while watching TV or something, I would feel a pang of emptiness, a deep void. I would get a feeling of panic, like how come life still does not feel complete; I'm with the right guy for crying out loud! This didn't happen often, but I felt it enough that I worried. I always thought those feelings of alarm would go away once I was with "the one." But it never did. That's when I realized that even if you are with loved ones, with family, children, friends, you can still feel lonely. Don't get me wrong, these people can bring amazing comfort to your life, but ultimately, they cannot fill your deepest needs. There's no doubt about it that Kevin brought a lot of joy, support, and love but if you haven't had an epiphany that human beings cannot give you all that you need, then you're in for some dissapointment. I mean, you always hear this and it seems cliched. But I think I actually experienced it rather than it being just head knowledge.
You know, I'm still kind of a loner. I spend a lot of time alone and I kind of like it. I'm still an extrovert, but it's amazing how introverted I've become over the years. But even though I'm alone, I don't necessarily feel alone/lonely. I think I've finally come to a point where I understand that God is always with me. Sure, there are times where I feel lonely or bored, but I never go into depths of despair or panic like I used to. Either that, I just accepted these things as part of life. I remember I used to wake up with feelings of emptiness like the feeling that you have the morning after a break-up or something. And nothing was really going wrong in my life. I think that's what depression is.
I've recovered a lot since my breakup with Kevin. I spent a lot of time alone reconciling with God during that time. Afterall, I had about 7 years of depression and rebellion from God to deal with. You see, Kevin and his family "introduced" me back to church. Sometimes, I wonder if the relationship would have worked had I dated him now when I'm healthier. But, at the same time, for some reason, I don't regret that we broke up. And I don't really wish that we get back together. Maybe some things are better left for dead. And now, I don't really think of the relationship as a failure. I guess it failed in sense that I'm not with that person anymore. But I learned a lot about myself during and after. And I think that constitutes success.
I'm going on a Harley ride with one of the guys I dated for a very brief time. I used to work with him for about 3 months, and then we went on 2 dates to be exact. I ended things after two dates because I pretty much knew he wasn't the right guy for me from date one. People say there is no such thing as love-at-first-sight and while I agree, I think you can tell if you know you want to greenlight a relationship from the first date. The "successful" relationships I've had (I put that in quotes because if it was truly successful, I'd still be with them) I pretty much knew from the get-go that they were the right people for me. Well anyway, we're still just friends though. I have no interest in him otherwise. He's too much of a bad boy for me. Anyway, the motorcycle ride should be fun on the PCH. I have 3 male friends with mopeds now. I kind of want to purchase a vespa, but it'll get stolen if I park it in my parking lot.
I rented "The Lake House" and "Constantine" this past weekend (I guess I wanted a Keanu Reeves fix) and loved both movies. I thought "Constantine" would be too cliched--just an action movie with played-out plot. But surprisingly, I really liked the story and the twists as well as Reeves' character as John Constantine. He plays this anti-hero who was kind of a jerk with lots of great sarcastic dialogue. I thought it was worth a watch.
But what I'm going to gush about is the movie "the Lake House." Critics have given it mixed reviews because of the logic errors in the time travel aspect of the movie. But come on, this movie isn't science fiction and if you are able put aside the urge to figure out the events of the movie and the time logic, you'll be able to see that the story is an unusual love story that shows plenty to of yearning that goes on when people are in love and cannot see each other--very beautiful and poignant. I usually have a hatred for romance movies; which is why I never watch them, unless they have some comedic element or something oddly unique about them like the movie "the Secretary". But this movie was GREAT! It's a remake of a Korean movie called "Siworae" and it's worth a watch. I was very sad at the end of the movie although it had a happy ending. Enough to make me cry.
The movie made me have a school girl crush on Reeves all over again. Move aside Jake Gyllenhaal. Look how beautiful of a specimen he is. He was 41 when he made this movie (and now 43) and he's still freaking hot. Look at the perfect nose, the eyebrows, the mouth, bone structure, and full head of hair. I think it's the Asian genes in him.
And of course, I can never forget his work as Neo in the Matrix trilogies. And his work in "the Gift" as the redneck wife-beater can't be forgotten. He's also great as Dr. Julian Mercer in "Something's Gotta Give." Almost no one saw the movie "River's Edge", but that's where he got his break as a movie star. One of the most gritty teenage drama movies worth watching, but I don't think it's easily available now. Come to think of it, I think I saw a lot of his movies, except the ones that REALLY sucked at the box office. Looking at his careful and varied movie choices and thinking about his roles, I think he's a pretty good actor not to mention beautiful. His next movie is called, "Street Kings" (some gritty police drama) out April this year. While I was doing the acting thing, he wasn't really filming anything in LA. I never got a chance to sign up for a movie he was doing. For some reason, I had a lot of opportunities to be an extra for movies with Brad Pitt in it.
That got me thinking, I'll have Eurasian kids too, and I hope they are as beautiful as Keanu Reeves and Kristen Kreuk. Shallow, I know.
I've been reading some Apocrypha. Some of it (like the ones included in the Catholic bible; Deuterocanonical Books of the Bible) are not that bad. Some of it is off theologically, but for the most part not that far off from the rest of the bible in theme, message, context etc. But apparently, some parts talk about atonement for sin through works (which Catholics approve of but not others), and also suicide and deceit which are not so kosher for any denominations of Christians.
But there are other Apocryphas that are just ridiculous. The stories about Adam and Eve after the garden seem purely fictional. A l0t of them were interesting, but you can tell it's fantasy, story-telling. Some of it is historically inaccurate and some of it outright blasphemous . On reading some of the accounts of the story of Adam and his descendents, I felt like I was reading a story writing contest, or something that I conjured up. Still some were interesting to read. Hey why not? It's Christian fiction and a lot of it is fantasy and historical just like any other secular writings in history. With the exception of a couple of books in Apocrypha, I can see clearly why others were not included. I guess some might read the Bible and think the same thing; "how ridiculous, outlandish, and fictional." But after having read all of the Bible before and comparing that with the Apocryphas that I've read, you can tell the difference and understand why they were excluded. And honestly, not having them included (a couple of books I thought were not theologically unsound; they read like the other books of the prophets in the OT); didn't really take away from the central message of the bible.
Read the Apocryphas here online. Some of the translation is hard to understand, but I think it's a very interesting read to understand history and culture.
Also I did some research on the Dead Sea Scrolls. I spent pretty much the whole day reading all this stuff online about Apocrypha, Dead Sea Scrolls, old Jewish culture, Torah, the devil throughout history, Islam, etc. Interesting stuff.
I can't believe we still have so many problems between Jewish/Christians and Muslims; all originating from Sarah's distrust of God regarding having a child. I thought she was quite cruel with the mistreatment of Hagar and all; but I guess she was also human who had strong human emotions like jealousy. Hagar's child Ishmail and Sarah's child Isaac basically set up the stage for centuries of conflict between Muslims and Jewish/Christians.
I used to have no interest in the middle east conflict especially between the Jews and the Palestinians. But placing them in the biblical context, they come to life for me. An interesting thing is that the Palestinians are historically Philistines (the same Philistines that David wrote about -- "crush the enemies O Lord, etc. You know, the Goliath Philistines). Granted that Palestinians now also make up people from the Arab countries and other regions, but the people that live in the southern Gaza strip are the Phillistines. Also, the Caananites that were absorbed by the Philistines. They were also sea people which I did not know and great iron-smiths etc.
When you read about these areas in the context of biblical history, it's very interesting.
I replaced all my drugs with Vitamins. I am now taking a women's multi, calcium, B-complex, Omega-3, and this serotonin sythesizer 5-HTP. The latter 3 specifically help with brain health. I don't think I've detoxed yet from the drugs. I also gained 5 pounds from eating so much food these past 2 weeks. I'm sure I'll adjust again and go back closer to my former weight, but I've really been eating a lot. All the time. And lots of sweets like chocolate. Also, being healthy is kind of costly.
Brain shivers, brain zaps as Wiki defines it. I'll be experiencing it for about a month. Oh joy. Just like the time when I went off Effexor.
I saw this a while back ago and saw it again recently, so I decided to post it.
It seems like I'm either posting stuff about work, working out, or tea houses. I guess I'm a creature of habit/routine or just really boring.
I went to the gym today in the middle of the day and ran a mile on the treadmill (that felt awesome) and did the elliptical machine for 25 mins. I will go again after work for Yoga.
I'm not experiencing too many withdrawal symptoms from getting off the meds, but I am getting these, what can only be described as a cross between "hot flashes" and "brain swishes." I think it's because of the hormonal and chemical changes in my brain/body. It's kind of uncomfortable but I've had something similar to this happen when I got off Effexor (horrible drug that didn't work for me) for a month.
Also, I get my occasional blues and anxiety, but I have this ritual where I remind myself that I'm pretty happy (I repeat out loud, "I'm happy, yeah I'm pretty happy" over and over again sometimes) and think about God or all the good things in my life. Either that I think about or watch something really funny. It usually always gets better the next day. I've sort of learned to control my mind. Your moods always start with a thought, so if you change your thoughts, you can change your moods. I can always feel it when depressive feelings come. You really have to make a concerted effort to fight it and want to feel better. I used to just let depression happen and control my life, but depressive mood is a lot easier to control before it happens rather than when it's spiraled out of control. Just nip it in the bud. You have to realize happiness is a choice. Letting yourself indulge (yes, it IS indulging) in depressive moods shows laziness, lack of self-control and lack of desire to want to get better. I really think it's sin. Sure, I fall out of line sometimes, but you've gotta get back on track. You have to realize that "satan is crouching at your door waiting for someone to devour..."
Also, I believe in the power of spoken word. I think thoughts when verbalized, it's more real. I don't really verbalize to myself anything negative or fear inducing. I try to verbalize positive things like repeating to myself out loud that I'm happy and doing well.
On a frivolous note: I bought these lovely Gustav Klimt tea set (just the tea pot and a mug). It was quite pricy. The tea pot itself was $100. But it's art! Hee...
